i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
Randomize
