so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
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