dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
Randomize
