im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
Verdict: uncircumcised.
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