omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
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