halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize
