you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
Randomize
