I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
Randomize
