you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
Randomize
