Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
Randomize
