Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
the girl next to me in class is drawing a guy banging a chick doggy style...its very detailed
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
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