I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
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