I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
This is not my ceiling
Yes, it's true. 4 fingers.
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
Randomize
