I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
Randomize
