I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
Randomize
