i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
you didnt know i had herpes?
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
Randomize
