For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
Randomize
