Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
Randomize
