Those kids are glorified dude-bros. It's banal.
thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
Randomize
