Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
well most of my day revolves around power hour
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
Randomize
