but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
Randomize
