8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Randomize
