you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
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