did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
Randomize
