I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
Randomize
