I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
Randomize
