So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
Randomize
