Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
so let's talk penis.
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
Randomize
