Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
Randomize
