She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
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