If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
I want you more than these girls want KFC
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize
