i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
im having a threesome with these popsicles
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
Randomize
