You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
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