Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
Randomize
