I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
