He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
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