We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
Randomize
