Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
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