So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
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