White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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