You can't motorboat a personality
Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
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