I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
Randomize
