he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
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