Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
Randomize
