I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
I licked your asshole in confidence.
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
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