How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
I'm both gender and math confused
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
