Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
My ass is underappreciated
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
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