He kissed a someone with a penis
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
Can I color on your dick again?
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
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