PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
Randomize
