i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
Randomize
