So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
Randomize
