Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Randomize
