I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
Randomize
