You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
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